Page 59 of snail now has a cartoon by carla zapel

bible story

my grandfather sits under the lamp and smokes his pipe and reads his books. he keeps laughing at a little joke he has been keeping to himself. he spins his chair around to face us with this big hungry smile and says, ‘heard you boys’ve got an interest in bible stories.’

he wants to know where his bible is. he has noticed that it is missing. whenever my grandfather has his pipe in this mouth his voice takes on this wizened old-timer quality, the kind you hear in cowboy movies. ‘well, i got a bible story for you. and it’s called “what god looks like”.

‘thomas edison woke up one morning
he had an idea
he worked for seven days
he created a lightbulb.’

my grandfather holds the lamp up in one hand.

‘god woke up one morning
he had an idea
he worked for a week
he created people


‘a lightbulb looks nothing like thomas edison,
so why should god looks like us?’

on this last word he switches off the lamp and we sit there in the dark while he tells us what they used to do to heretics, and how the end of the world is coming soon.

‘do ya hear what they’re saying? the ozone layer will virtually disappear in a matter of two hundred years, the ultraviolet radiation will be so great that only nocturnal animals will survive. all the daytime animals will burn up in the midday sun. rabbits will rule the earth. we will have to go underground, do ya hear that? underground.

‘we have the technology, it can be done. solar panels above the ground, underground reserves of water, hydroponic lettuce. the human race will develop large eyes for seeing in darkness. the possum will replace the dog.

‘this is the ultimate irony for mankind. look up at the sky, boy, look down at the ground. which way is hell?’


One Response to “Page 59 of snail now has a cartoon by carla zapel”

  1. You look for clues later (years) and still just a headache. I never understood your obsession with the male role model; or much else, except making the garden grow (no silver bells etc…). Making things grow! Your whole de – mean – or changed. Safeway in Smith Street 1997 the last time I talked to that lot…they never knew…did anyone? One Summer night you looked at a vine – held it to me with wonder – and I thought ‘Maybe this boy knows what he is doing? I doubt n e of us had a clue. People who came be4 tell you he/she is THIS. you have to believe or you can’t believe in n e thing. I believe in Snow Peas. ELLE.

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