Easter Story

Posted in Eric Yoshiaki Dando, Grunge Literature, Melbourne Grunge Literature with tags , , on April 10, 2014 by Eric Yoshiaki Dando

howie is abducted by aliens

 

howie is wondering if he should steal some food from the 7 eleven. he stands undecided in front of the window, holding his wood-carving bag tightly under his arm. consuming 7 eleven products is an environmental decision that needs much contemplation.

 

the stars are invisible. the police car trundles to a flash of brake lights, u-turns over a curb and bathes howie in a bright, unnatural beam of light. this is how some people kill rabbits.

 

they rummage through his bag and find his wood-carving tools. they accuse him of trying to rob the 7 eleven with a chisel and a screwdriver. howie tells them that only jesus christ can save their souls, and they take him down the station, beat the shit out of him.

 

they knuckle his ears, twist his nose, pull his hair. weak telephone-book tortures that leave no scars and resemble a three stooges movie. they call him a faggot and a dickhead and a loser.

 

one of the policemen was pretending to be a roman soldier

 

hey jesus, get here jesus. got something for you. got these two planks of red gum, got these railway spikes. gonna nail your hide to a tree. gonna whip your arse boy. gonna wrap blackberry canes and hawthorn around your head. sell all your stuff at camberwell market. what you going to do about all that, jesus?

 

yeah. you’re a poofta jesus. you’re weak as piss.

 

out rabbit, out weevil, out damned spot

 

not a very good friday if you ask me and as might be expected, mrs baker has bought too many red-spot special hot-cross buns. she wraps them in plastic and stores them in the freezer. they seem to be in it together, howie and his mother. they are saving up food for armageddon.

 

the cats are hungry today. mrs baker seems to have neglected them in the shopping, and now they are pissed off. they look at me from empty stomachs, search through the pockets of my jacket for little bits of biscuit. the cats in this house are cagey, streetwise; they take hostages, hold down all the exits, hijack the fridge. when we came home with the shopping, i saw one of them making off with a hunk of vegetable lasagne.

snail-cover-lge

Under the Stilts

Posted in Uncategorized on February 17, 2014 by Eric Yoshiaki Dando

New microfiction from Eric Yoshiaki Dando in Under the Stilts

http://underthestilts.com/posts/visitor-series/archaeology/

robot-long

Illustration from Tilly Hutchison. See more of her work at tillydrawspictures.tumblr.com.

 

a new poem about alicia sometimes

Posted in Uncategorized on December 15, 2013 by Eric Yoshiaki Dando

 

 

 

 

alicia sometimes

 

 

alicia sometimes alicia sometimes

i’m still trying to think

of things

that rhyme with alicia

sometimes

Best Australian Stories 2013

Posted in Uncategorized on November 21, 2013 by Eric Yoshiaki Dando

2013bascover

Real happy that my story ‘The Eulogy’ was selected by Kim Scott for Best Australian Stories 2013.

The Novel Teacher. A new eBook novella available on Smashwords

Posted in Eric Yoshiaki Dando, Uncategorized with tags , , on May 16, 2013 by Eric Yoshiaki Dando

writers-block

Download a copy of The Novel Teacher here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/315066

View a sample here: http://goingdownswinging.org.au/site/excerpt-from-the-novel-teacher/

Read an illustrated essay here: http://goingdownswinging.org.au/site/the-meditations-part-vii-eric-yoshiaki-dando-on-the-novel-teacher/

 

insects

Posted in Uncategorized on May 11, 2013 by Eric Yoshiaki Dando

snail snail cover green

mat and james are talking about the best sort of insects to burn with a magnifying glass.
‘snails are good,’ says mat. ‘you can burn a hole right through the shell and the guts start to bubble through the hole.’

james says slaters are the best. ‘make sure you get the big ones ’cause they curl up into a ball before exploding.
mat says that he stopped doing it after he found out about karma.

james says that he still does it sometimes.

(taken from the novel snail, Penguin Books 1996)

why white clothes are cooler than black

Posted in Uncategorized on January 31, 2013 by Eric Yoshiaki Dando

 

i leaf through the boys’ book of popular science, which was published in the twenties. there is a page explaining each subject briefly. the titles include: ‘the wonder of your backbone’, ‘what everything is made of’, ‘how to breathe poison air’, ‘the modern all-electric kitchen’, ‘why white clothes are cooler than black’.
there is something interesting in this last title.
i was led to believe that black clothes were cooler, but here are scientific diagrams, conclusive evidence. i am convinced: white clothes reflect more light and thus absorb less heat.
howie and i are going to photocopy this page and paste it around brunswick and fitzroy. paste one on the door of the black cat café in brunswick street. paste one on the door of the fitzroy lawn bowls club. start a bloody holy war.

(snail, Penguin Books, 1996)

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